Saturday, May 4, 2013

Counting the Days

This is very unfamiliar territory for me and i'm very uncomfortable.  The discomfort is both emotional and physical. 

Being in chastity is not new for me.  i'm very familiar with that.  i'd venture to say i'm more familiar than most submissive males because i'm in chastity often.  So that's not the problem.

i wish i could

my Mistress-Wife Suzanne has decided to lock me up for the entire month of May which happens to be National Masturbation Month.  Creative yes.  Cruel?  To some for sure.

i'm accepting of my fate but, even though i'm locked up quite often, this counting down the days is not something i'm used to.

i'm struggling with this and it's now on my mind all the time.  i've stayed in chastity for several days at a time.  Sometimes more than a week and almost two, but this is different.  It's a whole month and the previous times i was made to do anything like this it was like i knew relief was just around the corner.

Now, that corner is June 1st.  That's more than 27 days away.

Earlier today, i read a blog post that turned me on more than usual.  That was several hours ago and i'm still hurting. 

i'm sure other submissives who are in relationships where they're kept in chastity have been locked for longer periods.  Maybe they could provide me with some advice.

My Mistress-Wife is not prohibiting me from having orgasms.  If i can somehow find a way to orgasm while locked up, then that is absolutely okay with Her.  i've done it before, but it doesn't come about that easily.  It's always happened while She's made love to me with Her strap-on. 

That didn't work last night and She wants to try again tonight.  Wish me luck.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

A (submissive) Sense of Humor

i'm the subject of many of my Mistress-Wife Suzanne's postings over at All Mine.  i'm the subject in two different ways:

  1. subject:  something (or someone) concerning which something is said or done <the subject of the essay>, and
  2. subject:  one that is placed under authority or control: as a : vassal 

In the case of the special relationship we have, both definitions apply in just about every post in which i am mentioned.  When She writes about things i am required to do for or to Her or those things She does to me, then i fit the first definition since She's writing about me along with other things.  And the blog leaves no doubt, as does our lifestyle, that i am under Her authority.

i'm secure enough in our relationship to state that i'm more than a vassal to Her, a term that originated in the Middle Ages where feudal lords oversaw many servants and others who were referred to as vassals.

Suzanne's been blogging for more than three years now and i would be lying if i wrote that reading all of Her posts has been easy for me.  Seeing my intimate submission to Her on full display for viewing by Her followers and whoever else stopped by the blog was hard for me.  People might think that my relative anonymity would eliminate just about any potential embarrassment or humiliation.  That would make sense but i can tell you that it doesn't when you're reading those things about yourself.

The embarrassment and humiliation has lessened quite a bit over those three years but there are still times when i get those feelings after reading certain posts.  i guess those feelings depend on my mood because when i look back, some of the posts where i felt most embarrassed aren't any "better or worse" than others.   For example last week i felt quite self-conscious after reading this post.   It was a pretty graphic and intimate post, but there have been others that surpassed it in intensity and intimacy that didn't produce the same feelings from me.  So like i said, it's probably dependent on the mood i'm in.

There's also another important factor that's helped me over these three years.  That's the friendship i've developed with other submissives who've taught me to be able to laugh and maintain a sense of humor about some things.  Their including me in their little circle was a great gift.  One of these is my dear friend Donna, the famous Senior Correspondent from Under Contract to my Wife.

Donna's timing is close to impeccable.  She has that sixth sense i guess, or maybe it's a submissive's intuition to know when to reach out and make me laugh.  Many times it's an email with just the right words and/or picture to make me smile and put things in perspective.  Here's a very recent message and picture that did just that:

I thought you might like this!
PS  Please note Big Blackie on the serving tray

How could i avoid smiling after opening that email?

We don't have any cats, but that's me doing the pedicure.  And thank the Lord Big Blackie is not that big.

Can you pick out the vassal in the picture?

Sunday, March 24, 2013

A Happy Cuckold

my Mistress-Wife Suzanne has been under the weather lately.  Not 100%.  When She's not well, in pain, not Herself or even just a little down, i always consider it my responsibility to do everything i can to make Her feel better.  To ease Her pain or discomfort and to put Her in a better frame of mind.  i think any good lifestyle submissive would do the same.

These past few weeks are perfect examples of how sex, even though it's an important part of lifestyles like ours, is secondary to servitude and submission that's driven by love and commitment.    The time i spent serving Suzanne during this time has been as fulfilling an experience as i've had since we've been together. 

She's begun to feel better and Her spirits have improved.  Yesterday, She expressed Her gratitude to me in the most intimate of ways.  Several times.  Her spirits were also buoyed by the fact that Her Lover Jay was going to be returning today.   That also made me feel better.

i'm sure my feeling of happiness for Her are difficult or impossible to understand for many.  i wouldn't expect everyone to be accepting of it or to "get it."  i know i'm a cuckold.  However, i also know these feelings don't make me any less of a man.   They do make me a better partner for my Wife.  She's the one who means more to me than anything in the world.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Waiting For Punishment

"How long did you say it's been?" my Mistress-Wife Suzanne asked me.

i didn't know exactly how long it had been but knew it was a very long time.

"i think it's been about 5 months or so" i told Her.

"Well figure it out exactly" She said.

"Of course.  i will and let You know exactly."  i expected the conversation to take another turn.  i'd upset Her earlier in the week but we were bot over it.  i'd acted immature and selfish and i know i'll be punished when She returns.  So, i waited for Suzanne to change the subject.  She didn't.

"Figure it out now.  You're pretty bright" She chuckled.

"It's been 240 days since my last post" i told Her.

Then without hesitation "What if i left you locked up that long?"

"That wouldn't be good" i answered.  Not brilliant, but put forth before She could let me know that it wasn't a rhetorical question.

Then there was Her usual laugh.  The one i've missed so much.  Even over the phone, it was reassuring enough to let me know all is well.  Even if my punishment awaits. 

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Something for my Mistress

Here i am again, a full seventy three days between posts.  It sure must appear that my prolonged absences from these pages are by design but they're really not.  Work responsibilities are the major culprit that prevent my posting more frequently.  Another reason is that as a submissive, i do have other responsibilities that take up what would otherwise be free time.

My Mistress-Wife Suzanne's regular posts amaze me.  She amazes me, every single day.  i never thought it possible, but i feel like i fall deeper in love with Her all the time.  i'm fairly intelligent and to most people would appear to be someone who could easily make their way through life on their own.  i might be able to do that and fulfill my basic physiological and safety needs like Maslow taught us.  But there would be such a void in my life.  Without Suzanne, i would struggle to meet my more developed and psychological needs.

Yesterday, i received something from a submissive male that i had corresponded with more than a year ago.  He had changed jobs, relocated, bought a new home and had quite a bit going on in his family life so our correspondence came to a halt.  i was glad to hear yesterday that he and his family are doing well and his life is settled down some.  

He sent me this picture we he found on a tumblr blog called Dangerously Curious that he thought i would enjoy.  He was right.  The words that accompany the picture are so beautiful, i thought i would share it with my readers.

i also want to dedicate this to my Mistress-Wife Suzanne.  She knows how much i love Her, but i also want Her to know how i feel about my own submission to Her.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Good Things Come in Three's

Being a submissive male in a relationship like i have with my Mistress-Wife Suzanne can be pretty challenging at times.  At the end of the day though, i realize how fortunate i am to have someone who loves me so much and has taken the time to understand who i am.

But there are times where being a submissive spouse to a more mature dominant woman can be challenging.  i do have some friends, but up until recently, no close friends who i could confide in about my relationship, its challenges, highs, lows, etc.  As great a communicator as Suzanne is, i think there are time when i need someone else to share things with.

Recently, my fortunes have change for the positive as far as friends go.  i've been befriended by there lovely submissive "sisters" who've included me in their little group.  i'm not afraid to share things with them and in turn, listen to what they have to say.  It's not all heavy emotional stuff that we talk about.  In fact, most of the time we're just exchanging thoughts that make each other smile for a few minutes each day.  Some days, that means everything to me.

i also have three "keyholders":  Suzanne, Jay, and Sherry (my sister-in-law).  Yes, it's a very different type of relationship and one that's developed over time, but each one of my keyholders takes the responsibility seriously.  While Suzanne has ultimate control over me, She's just recently let both Sherry and Jay know that they can release or lock me back up at any time, without Her permission.  That's a pretty significant step for Her to take.  She hasn't made a big deal about it but, it's weighed on my mind She made that formal decision.

Like i said before, i'm a pretty lucky submissive.  i have three new wonderful friends, and there loving keyholders.  And soon i may have a fourth in both categories, if Suzanne's plans for Her femsub sophie work out.  i'm okay with that also.  i never doubt Suzanne's judgement. 

i promise to write more about this soon.  i know, soon is a relative term when it comes to my blog.  The infrequency of my posts can be annoying - to Suzanne, me, and some of my readers.   i'm working on it...i promise.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Here i am again....

Just when everyone (well maybe not everyone) thought my blog was dead, i make an appearance if for no other reason than to put it back on life support once again.  If it weren't for some regular correspondence with my submissive blogger friends, and my Mistress-Wife's references to me over on Her blog, i'm sure most of my readers (who are likely estranged by now) wound indeed think i was no longer among the living.

Far from it.  Suzanne has kept me as busy as ever and displayed a tremendous amount of patience because of the demands of my job.  That patience does wear thin at times like it did this past week and i have to bear the consequences and pay the price.

Consequences, paying the price, punishment discipline and all things of that sort are all very familiar to we submissives.   Things that lead up to them, the anticipation, the mental aspect of actually submitting yourself to another for these punishments can all be very emotionally fulfilling to a sub.  But if you're like me, the actual experience, when you're going through it, isn't pleasurable at all.  i've yet to experience an orgasm from a wooden spoon spanking, and doubt i ever will.  But when these sessions are over and done with and the physical pain and discomfort has probably subsided, i can somehow bask in that submissive afterglow and appreciate where i've been.

Of course, everyone is different.  Even though i would never want to experience sessions of extreme physical pain (like ball crushing for instance) i can still relate to those who find their personal shangrila-like subspace is such activities.  Why did i bring up "ball crushing?" just happened to be on my mind after reading this article on The Huffington Post this morning:

Testicle Squeezing in Street Fight Causes Man's Death

i shared the article with Suzanne earlier this morning and She got a little chuckle out of it.  She also knows how much i dread that type of pain.  Of course, i should have known that wasn't going to be the end of it. 

After our session at the gym this afternoon, we had a lovely and sensual shower together where i had the honor of worshiping Her.  Oh, and i did worship Her before the shower as well.  After spending the appropriate time on my knees, She had me stand and slowly soaped me all up.  When she got to my own set of testicles, you guessed it, there was a careful but firm squeeze that increased until i began to cry out in obvious pain.

"Just testing to see if your kinky tastes have know I would never really hurt you" She told me.

"They haven't changed that much" i said "and i know you wouldn't."

Then, there was another sudden squeeze, almost as hard as the first which caught me by surprise.

"Just double checking" She said.  i hope my reaction was enough evidence for Her!